You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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