worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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