Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
