he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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