No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
