I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
