we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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