his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I die, sorry about rent.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize