He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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