North Korea, Best Korea!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
