i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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