Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
