I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
