Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
