I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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