Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
