I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
