Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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