dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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