That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
