So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
