just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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