My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
