I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
home. puking in laundry basket.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
