New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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