So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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