did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
