maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
