dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
