My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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