just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
