4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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