I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
