My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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