I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
