i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
