She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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