i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
