Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
