i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
