the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
