I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
