I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
