if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize