after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
