Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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