I could make wine with my vomit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
