She even gives head with a lisp.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
