My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
