OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
