This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
