I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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