why didn't you poke me back
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
