He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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