i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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