angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
