He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
